Artist Statement Draft #3:

Madeleine Black is younger than the number of her sexual partners would suggest.

She is presently a student in, ‘How to change the World with Beauty and Non Violent Protests of the Heart’, at Concordia University in Montreal.

She drove a boat for the first time yesterday and isn’t afraid of the dark.

Notes: taken in my first year of Art School

I never write down anything like dates or whatever because I’m too easily bored by stuff like that and the profs usually post all of the power points online for us anyways. (For this reason, I also haven’t included any quotes or ideas brought up about/by any specific artists because I’m more interested in the unscripted comments in the everyday.) Most of my notes from school are just long lists of artists, projects, and techniques that I should research, mixed in with quotes from profs and little snippets or ideas talked about that I think are interesting/important, here are my favorites from notebook #1:

(AKA you can know everything I’ve learned. Like, basically)

– Prof on University: “practice play and hang out with kindred spirits.”
– “It’s best to wait as long as possible before making money from your art because it’s kind of awful.” – prof
– Ultra Marine Blue. Vandyke Brown. Hint of Cadmium Red. (makes Black) (watercolor)
– pure pigment vibrating.
– “I couldn’t help it, the colors made me sick.” – puked on paintings
– “I don’t really care about grades, I just wanna teach you skillz.” – prof
– The death of painting. – rumors
– “Painting is often dead from time to time.” – prof
– “If anyone ever tells you that painting is dead, and you’re dead set on being a painter, just ignore them cause painting will be stop being dead about 3 years after that.” – prof
– “I’m not a poet, I’m just drunk.” “That’s the same thing.” – overheard
– “Art forces us to live within a grey zone.” – prof
– Move away from abstraction and recognize the importance of specificity.
– “We’re kind of at this moment where ‘Queerness’ is a sensibility.”
– Dye lace with beets and blood.
– Try on skin before.
– “The identification of the body as a place to define us.” – prof
– “There’s no gender on the internet.” – unknown
– “The face is a point of contact with infinity.” – who said this? -> defined ‘the other’ -> the objectification.
– The rhythms of childhood.
– Relationship between social structure and the experience of being a person.
– Everyday choreography.
– Thinking about the body as a floating signifier.
– Hybrid Body -> a body that stages trauma through inscription.
– Mutable, malleable, performative -> explodes
– Looks at depression as an esthetic quality/sensibility.
– “Tropes of Darkness.” – can’t remember who/what/where
– “How is this esthetic excess framed?” – prof
– Lyrical film making.
– Coming to terms with mental illness and living with it in the home.
– Critically unpack the stereotype.
– “It’s an argument that you have a true identity.” – prof
– *The subject, you the person, is just an invention.*
– Feel like I’m getting a degree in how to be a revolutionary.
– “Male and Female is breaking down before our eyes.” – prof
– Come back to penetration during this.
– “Our glorious leader, who will lead us to heaven or whatever.” – prof
– Connection between ‘Plato’ and platonic relationships?
– “When you see color, you’re experiencing the atoms on your body.” – unknown
– “The revolution here is not the work of art, you become the work of art.” – unknown
– Performativity -> not performing -> we are it.
– Be critical -> of femininity.
– ‘Normally’ <- why you want this kind of normal?
– *Marriage set up as a structural false sense of choice -> Conform or Die.
– “Society as we know it is detrimental to our well being, so we would be better to dismantle it.” – unknown
– “He caused a complete scandal, and today we say, ah well, that’s what artists do.” – prof
– “We don’t learn anything, we just do it.” – prof
– “In this kind of work, boredom is perfect.” – unknown
– “Art History has a hold on how we see things -> they have institutional control.” – prof(s)
– Why do pigs have penises shaped like corkscrews?
– Maybe any, maybe not?
– To be ‘crazy enough’.
– When silent, people don’t perceive you as human.
– “There are more winters in the world than the other seasons, because there are more dark people.” – unknown
– Being a perfectionist about your personality.
– Self consciousness starts to perform itself.
– Esthetic in a critical way -> you make who you are, identity is not natural -> this is the nature of creativity.
– Having, ‘Pretty Guilt’.
– “She always exhibits herself, never anyone else.” – prof,
– “She wanted to touch on the things that men wouldn’t be bothered with…” – prof
– *Put her hot dog vid in my sketchbook.
– “In the absence of clearly defined goals we become enslaved by the day to day.” – prof
– “Love is that condition where another persons happiness is essential to your own.” – unknown
– “In any kind of erotic attraction your expectations aren’t realistic.” – prof
– Hair shadows, over pages of books, your face, peoples faces, walls.
– “It’s all Madonna’s fault, all of it.” – prof
– “There’s always going to be someone who pushes it over the edge, and that person should be you.” – prof

Lately – Things I’ve been doing.

I’ve been writing in parks, writing in every cafe along Saint Laurent, writing in the metro, writing on the floor at parties and writing scattered throughout all of my sketch/notebooks. (But! I never feel like I’ve been writing enough.) le sigh*

I’ve been walking a ton, loving all graffiti and taking self portraits in alley ways and metro station photo booths and mirrors. I’ve been going to a lot of parties, dance parties, after parties, house parties, house shows, regular shows, poetry readings, and ‘gatherings’ but usually forget to take pictures because every thing’s so fun, crazy, overwhelming, fast paced and all consuming. I’ve seen a lot of incredible apartments, lofts, bars, grungy studios, art studios, classrooms, super old and/or abandoned warehouses and graffiti-ed bathrooms.

I’ve been making art projects that require math! gasp, I know.  I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in the welding studio. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time holding an electric sander. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time awake before noon. I’ve had probably a thousand cups of coffee and soy lattes.I’ve climbed onto more rooftops in Montreal than I ever had before in my whole life. I’ve had a lot of deppaneur wine while walking down the street. I’ve woken up cuddling with a five foot long plastic battle axe. I’ve run into people much more often than I ever thought I would. I’ve run into everyone I know who’s visiting Montreal (even if only for a day) serendipitously on Saint Laurent. I’ve walked home down Parc hungover in the sun already too many times to count (I should really make a ‘morning after’ soundtrack). I’ve thought that I was walking home down Parc hungover and gone in the wrong direction only to run into a friend who was going to a party/show so I went there with him instead. I’ve Pop-ed so hard. I’ve talked about blow jobs a lot in class. I’ve bought a taxidermy sparkly fox face.

I’ve brunch’ed like it’s my job. I’ve drawn more still life than ever (and it hasn’t even been that much). I’ve even drawn a landscape, gasp* (spoiler alert, it’s pretty abstract).

I’ve cried a lot, been up all night and morning on skype, gotten lost everywhere, clogged the toilet at one of my favorite cafes, been unable to stop shaking during a group critique, and felt hugely socially anxious pretty much every day.

I’ve I’ve I’ve fried my brain with bagels, social stimulation, and wine so hard last night (not the first time) and so cannot write any sentences that don’t start with ‘I’ve’.

I’ve been putting together this blog for a studio class, so check it out if you want to see even more photographs, self portraits and things I’ve been working on.

I’ve been drooling over the beauty of this city all of the time, constantly, everyday.

Lately – Mapping and Magnums

I’m taking this class called ARTX 280, which is a studio class open to the exploration and use of basically any and all materials and mediums, (we’re doing video and sound work later in the year). Today we toured the wood, welding and ‘prototype’ workshop-studios. The facilities here are amazing! And, in the most incredible, very tall building that’s almost entirely windows. *small-city girl swoon. (!!!!)

Our first project is on mapping/maps, and we have to keep a sketchbook to record/map out our days, in whatever way we choose to interpret that concept. Since I’m already doing a sketch/journal book for another class, I decided to do most of my work for this one as a blog page. I’m using a lot of digital photographs and I find it easier to type than write in length by hand anyways, although I’m still using an accompanying sketchbook for scribbled ideas, old metro passes and drawings.

So! Many of the photographs that I would normally post here (mostly of wanderings around the city, beautiful graffiti walls, spatially relevant self portraits, ect.) are instead on this other page, so check it out! Although, here is one picture I didn’t include:*Right before leaving home I made (in about two minutes) my sister her 18th birthday present (only …6 months late) which was 5 magnum condoms glued to a canvas painted entirely with india ink. And it’s kind of one of my favorite things I’ve ever made, ever. My roommate even told me quite honestly that he thought it was one of my best works. Ha! #masterpiece – I wonder if I could make my living glueing condoms to canvases?

Lately – initiation, orientation and (emotional) heavy lifting.

I have been in Montreal now for almost exactly a week, and I haven’t taken as many photos as I may have otherwise wanted to because I’ve been so busy…

stealing internet, eating bagels at 5am, flirting at plateau parties, drinking wine while walking, carrying a double mattress through the neighborhood, trying to understand humidity, buying jewelry off a blanket, finding an apartment, getting lost, getting a sense of direction, running into everyone, ogling the party crowds outside my new bedroom window, trying to remember everyones names and what kind of art they make, falling down in doorways, stalking new friends on the internet, grocery shopping at 6am, craving empanadas, buying all the floral housewares, learning the metro, painting my nails and crying at my new haunt cafe (our apt doesn’t have wifi yet), climbing fire escapes, clinging to coffees, talking on the phone with delivery men, talking on the phone with missed friends, loving this city’s sense of humor and garbage day shopping (seriously unreal), ect. School starts tomorrow and I’ve never been to university before so I’m totally freaked! Super excited but also shaky nervous, stomach achy nervous, insomnia-y nervous! I went to orientation last week and it went pretty well, made a couple of friends and figured some basics out but it’s still this completely unknown open void right now. So crazy! fun! scary!

‘Living wild is it’s own reward.’

“No matter how dry and tame and nice we live, we will die. We will also suffer along the way. Living wild is it’s own reward.” -SARK

Right now, I’m sitting on a ledge in a park between a needle drop off and three gigantic games of chess. I’ve just gotten off of a shuttle bus to downtown Montreal and am now wating further instructions to an acquaintances-boyfriends apartment so that I can crash on his couch tonight (and maybe tomorrow or so). I would have stayed with her but she’s out of town, my other friends here are all: in the middle of a move, getting their carpets ripped out and/or swamped with other house guests. Essentially the best timing.

I’m also needing to find an apartment for myself+roommate+cat in the next few days because no one will confirm a tenant application via the internet, and have orientation at Concordia tomorrow afternoon (I’ve never been to university before!). Whole new world?

On the upside of luck, french boys all have incredible eye brows (according to my hours worth of research) and I’ve been invited to a downtown gallery opening and a friends indie pop show this week. I’m already drooling for the arts scene, & the people watching.

Oh, and I haven’t slept because my flight left at 6 30am and my (darling+so generous) friends and I were up all night packing up my old bedroom till the very last second.

So, thank god for SARK and her ‘live wild’ talk.
Cause, I’m a pretty wild girl but this is the wild-est I’ve ever been.