Over Share.

what makes an image, or a comment, or person shocking? or too much? or an over share?

Sometimes, like right now, I’m skeptical and self conscious and scared that the art and the writing I’m interested in creating will be/are “too much”. That I’m “too much.” That my vocabulary will fail me in expressing the nature of my work. That in my effort to evoke honesty I’ll be perceived as the opposite. That I’ll falter in defending my opinions, my art and myself. That I wont have the courage to create the work I’d like to. Right now, I’m scared to post this nude-ish picture, but I’m doing it anyway.

I took this in the reflection of a public washroom stall wall at Amigos in Saskatoon,
right after taking this:

^Lady Bar, as a part of my Panties Project.

I don’t know how exactly but, I want to stretch the concept of “taboo”. To open up conversations about sexuality and sex and what it means to be vulnerable and how we (humans) can feel comfortable being what we are. I aim to be courageous in honesty and kind in understanding. Fuck the “shhhh’d” conversations of the insecurities and mishaps and tremendous joys that come with having a body and a brain, lately I’ve found myself always rolling my eyes at anyone saying “inappropriate”.

From what I’ve seen and heard and been told, I think that my Panties Project has accomplished this in a lot of ways. It’s also encouraged my conceptual development in areas which I had previously thought would be rejected all together. I’m interested in expanding these explorations of self perception, vulnerability and the fears that haunt the subconscious (example: my chronic washroom nightmares) through performance, self portraits and writing. I can’t do that in G-rated way, which increases the scared factor when remembering how small my home town is and that someday my grandma might see my highly personal and traditionally “inappropriate” art.

So call me an over-share, and I’ll thank you for it.

View from the Roof

A couple of weeks ago, after the Vintage Darlings sale at the Creative City Center, Marian let Neil, Colby, Katherine and I up onto the roof. The only way up is by a step ladder, and through the ceilings trap door, which is terrifying if you’re me and scared of anything higher than your kitchen counter. But once you’re up, it’s so worth it.

Colby was also taking pictures and snapped these ones of me, I love our contrast in styles.

You can see the rest of his gorgeous dreamy focus photos here.

Immediate reaction: “Ah! Amazing!”

Art.Love.Sex » Wash-Rinse-Repeat by Miklos Legrady.

…and then this, made me laugh a lot. I love it, it’s like my ideal valentines day picture.

also via the Art.Love.Sex blog but uncredited.

And, another beauty I found today while researching this ‘sex-blogger-scandal’:

 

Appropriately titled ‘Blue Monday’ and possibly taken of/by the blogger herself, who goes by the pseudonym, ‘Marie Calloway’, but I’m not positive.

Amazing!

Getting to know Abraham and the floor.

I read online that today is the most depressing day of the year, on average.
Makes sense, as it’s the middle of January and friggen cold.

But, thanks to my very scientific experiments, I’m convinced that creativity is the best antidote to depression. Much like the sensations of romantic love, creative production is a passionate act. You become enthralled, consumed and enthusiastic. Everything else seems to melt away, endorphins take over and you find yourself feeling like a kid again.

I spent this afternoon eating Vietnamese food and taking pictures with Colby in his cozy apartment transformed into photography studio. Stand your bed up on it’s side and voila, so much valuable floor space for me to lie all over.

When I got there Abraham was already in the bath tub, to save space I’m assuming.

He just looked so pretty in there, I put on a frilly dress and climbed in.

I love the collaborative  aspect of photography, especially when posing or modeling. (These pictures were my idea but Colby took them.) There’s a very interesting type of conversation between “model” and photographer in this way, an equal exchange of ideas, and in turn, greater inspiration. I suggest something I’d like to do and he directs me on how to make it better, he suggests something and I interpret it through my body and figure out what’s possible. It’s like performing, with a constant personal director.

(And) even between our combined visions, things happen that we didn’t expect,
like that I look about 12 years old here:

(And) like most (pleasant) experiences, the unexpected is usually the best part.

The original idea was for him to be on top of me, with just my limbs showing out of the tub and wrapped around him, but he’s way to heavy so we did this instead:

Then we took the pictures Colby’d been planning on.

He’d found an army uniform, or “battledress” from 1971 that was made for a very small man, so naturally it fits me almost exactly. Wearing it, I sat/lay on his bedroom floor in the corner where he had his slide projector aimed and he took pictures. Images of gardens, oceans and family vacations reflected on the wall, uniform and my skin.

So fun, like playing a game.
How many ways can the human form interact with a 2D projected image?

I think (hope) they’re going to turn out really beautifully. I’d post a sneak preview but my camera batteries had died and Colby only shoots film so now it’s a waiting game.

Check out his Flickr and/or Tumblr, they’re obviously rad since I say that all of the time.

And of course I’ve saved the most sexual for last. Ha.

Lights and Bulbs

Finally got the photographs developed from this day.

I hadn’t shot film in years and was sort of disappointed with them at first, but they’ve been growing on me. I really like the contrast between natural and artificial lighting, which is something I’ve never noticed while taking digital photos. I plan on experimenting more with this camera in sunlight and brightly lit rooms, which will hopefully result in more definition, although some blur is okay.

The blur is slowly growing on me.

You can see through Colbys camera lens here. I’d written that I was “anticipating my face spliced into the side of a building and/or itself” which it is x5, so rad.